Why Am I so Surprised?

Last night Ian’s father called me to tell me that he was going to get Ian to take him out. He hasn’t seen my son in a month. Today he called me to cancel, he said, “I am sorry but I don’t have money to take him anyway.” I don’t think he needs money to take Ian to the park or anything. I feel so bad because even though my son doesn’t talk much he understands, he is four after all. 

Ian looked at me ready for his dad to come for him and I had to tell him that he wasn’t coming. He looked at me with sad eyes then just said, “Okay” like if he already knew. I hate that he gets under my skin. You know what I should not let him get under my skin. I need to be strong for Ian. 

I can’t wait to for August! I’m going to the University to get my bachelor’s degree in English Literature. I got this! I have to it’s just me and Ian now. 

He Didn’t Answer

Yesterday I had to take my son to the doctor’s for a vaccine. My ex would always do that because I honestly can’t see my baby cry. As I was getting ready to go I had a moment of weakness. I kept thinking that I couldn’t do this alone and that I really needed his help. I haven’t seen my ex in a month, but maybe he would be willing to come with us. 

I called and he didn’t answer, no surprise there. I decided to face my fears and just take him myself, by myself. At the doctor’s office I held my baby as he got his shot. He did cry, but it was only for a little bit. I smiled as the sense of pride came rushing into me. 

I realised there and then that I can and will do all things possible for my son. I can do this! I know to some of you, this is nothing but to me, it’s a start. I am getting really good in being alone. But then again, I think I am never going to be truly alone since my baby is right beside me every step of the way. 

7/24/17

Today I realized that I have to go to my son’s doctor’s appointment tomorrow… alone. I know, it’s dumb because there are so many single mom’s out there who do this and so much more everyday. Let me tell you all, you guys are badasses. It has been two days since my ex husband has called me to check up on my son Ian. What kind of man abandons their son? 

Oh I know​ that answer, the kind of man who dumps his wife on their 8th anniversary. Hhhhmmmm I always thought that since his parents were devorced he was going to do everything he could to be a great dad. I guess I was wrong. My entire life I just wanted the perfect family, like the ones on TV. A mom, a dad, and the loving kids. 

A girl is aloud to dream, right. Now all I want is for my son to talk, for him to be potty trained and for me to be able to provide for him. Life is so hard especially when you are on your own, who do single moms do it. I am not talking to the tramps who leave their kids with their parents while they go out and sleep around. Shame on you bitches. But then again once every other week is okay. Lol. I’m talking about the hard working woman, who work two jobs just to keep the lights on.

I feel the only thing I’m doing is getting fat. While my ex goes out every night with his barely legal girlfriend. I joking I don’t know if he is, last time we broke up he was. I don’t know why I always took him back? I guess I was just used to him. I am not ugly, it’s really easy for me to talk to someone. 

I just have a hard time, keeping someone. What is wrong with me? Okay well I have to go to sleep. I have to take son to get a shot tomorrow. My ex would always do that, because I always cry. 

First blog post

Hello! I am Lillian Lizette Trujillo, soon be Jaramillo again (Maiden name). They say that love will get you through the storms and love will always find a way. But, nobody told me that love ends and that love doesn’t pay the bills. Well, if they did, I didn’t listen. I really regret it, but not all of it.

My story is crazy, it can even be a telenovelas or a film series. It’s filled with love, loss, betrayal, lust, cheating, laughter, tears, STDs, getting beat. Man my life! I am ready to share my crazy story with all of you. I am an English major in college.

I owe it to myself to write. What better to do that than to write about what I know. Who I am and what has made me.I probably will embellish a few things since it was a long time ago.And for the sake of literature, I will definitely give you every dirty detail.

I might also embellish some facts here and there. Just giving you a little heads up. I am a single mom,and a full time college student, so I might not be able to write everyday. Unless you beg for more. I promise to make you laugh, make you cry, make you wish you knew what’s next, give you orgasms and most of all keep you in my meat up life.

Not right now though. It is the forth of July. Be safe everyone, till we meet again.